What I Live For

Note: I wrote this 2 days ago but my blog was all wonky so finally now…woo.

Today was the day Paige went for her first full day of school. She was always half days until grade one so, Barbie lunch bag carefully packed, cute little polka dot shirt clad and hair kinda sorta nice we were off.
After a very annoying confusing and just plainly stupid amount of GRRRRR figured out what door we were “allowed” to go into the school. Her school annoys me SO OFTEN!
But this isn’t about me….or actually I guess it is.
She was brave and beautiful and wanted to find her desk right away.
The teacher came over to perhaps assess the attachment and asked her name. Paige looked straight ahead instead of looking at the teacher and said in a strong voice “Paige”….the lack of eye contact the only hint I got that my fearless girl was a little afraid.
So I said my goodbyes and asked her to hug her brother “Bye Matthew” she sang. Matthew started to lose his ever-loving mind and that was it….I left with my screaming toddler clumsily gathered, fighting in my arms. Didn’t get, or rather think, to look back.
I got to the van Matthew had calmed by now and as I headed to our playgroup they hit me, those tears, those tears I didn’t think I would have, those tears of a new start, of change, of letting go.
Typing this while sitting in my van while Matthew naps my eyes are welling up again. I wouldn’t wish her back to a baby even if I could. I’m very proud of the kid she’s become, So strong and fearless but still in many ways just a little girl unsure of so many little things in life.
Perhaps she and I have allot in common.

I have printable coupons for $3.00 off Listerine and its on sale at Wal Mart tomorrow for $3.27…..so going early and giving each kid 2 quarters….using my kids as “one coupon per transaction” embarrassed…..but fueled by 27 cent Listerine….I’m so cheap….here is hoping for a cool cashier!

I can’t believe summer is almost over, its been wonderful and frustrating, relaxing and exhausting, fulfilling and empty.
As I write this my kids are running through the ladybug sprinkler my daughter shaking her butt at it while singing a song she is making up….”It green its fresh nanananana” my boy daring himself in baby language just how long he can stand to take the freezing water.
This is one of those times I feel like I should sit back and enjoy….try to savor and somehow remember….but somehow I know that when I’m old ill never quite remember the song she sings, the sounds Matthew makes, noise mixed with real words that may or may not have anything to do with what he is saying, the splash of their bare feet in the lawn, traces of his pirate facepaint from the park we left cause it was to hot….the loveliness and loneliness I feel sitting here alone watching their summer days pass by with no way of explaining it’s painful perfect beauty to anyone.

Chad cutting up what he says is the dogs medication….I think he might be putting me on Ritalin….ill be watching my morning coffee for white floaters……

I picked up my old dogs medication for his arthritis today and found myself thinking about this crazy lady I used to work with who couldn’t get her Chihuahua cremated right away….so she put it in her freezer for 2 weeks. I thought frozen steak looked unappetizing already….Wally will not be frozen….he wouldn’t fit and I’m not that sentimental…..or crazy. He will be bronzed.

Last night my Son got up out of bed for the second time, crying his head off, while holding this play syringe from a “long ago lost” medical playset. The first thing I thought while grabbing him up to calm him was “He knows something about the Zombie Apocalypse….he was hiding the syringe till now…..probably in his “must have” Ocean Wonders music machine”…..yes this is how I amuse myself when babies make me do things I’d rather not do…..I wanted to eat Hershey Kisses….instead Zombies…who’s fault? Not mine Baby.

Hello my wonderful sister in-law!

I just wanted to let you know I have worked on your spam comments and hopefully I have eliminated them…….well at least you should get very few.

It was wonderful to visit with you and meet your beautiful children!!!

Love you all to pieces

April

Yesterday I was trying to get my kids from the van into the house after picking up Paige from Kindergarten….a simple thing one would think….we don’t even have a garage door….but they always run to the front yard (we can’t go in the back right now due to having a giant dog with big poo that is NOT WHAT I EXPECTED WHEN WE GOT THE DOG anyway….they run around and I am all “OK into the house” and Paige brought me a dandelion…..then she brought me another, and Matthew saw this so he brought me the last of the 3 dandelions from the yard (it is only early April after all). I had me a bouquet of what some would call weeds…..I took this pic….of the most beautiful bouquet I could as for, it’s no wonder dandelions look like the sun.

Testing an image